So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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