Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
