Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
