Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
