last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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