Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
