I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
