Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
