i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
