Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
