I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Bring me that man meat
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
