Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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