I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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