i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
