I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
