There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
