you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
