You made me cry and you don't even care
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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