If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
