The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Randomize
