I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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