So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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