we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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