she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
