dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
