I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
