If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
