goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
