just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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