I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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