you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
