it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
