he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
