I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
