Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
