I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm too high and old for this...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
