Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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