Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
