There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
