So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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