you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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