paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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