farters have to be the big spoon...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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