we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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