Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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