I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
