Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
