I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
