Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
