i would punch a child for taco bell
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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