Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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