Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
