my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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